I feel like this could fit here.

I feel like this could fit here.

Haven't been back for a while. But here's a video. I am crying.

In case you need to let out some emotions.

I don’t know how this happened…

But I’m finally done with it.  I’m done with torturing myself and trying to run away from food and from weight.

What I felt was genuine.  I assure you.  I still think I’m fucking fat.  But I’m not going to keep falling into this.  I’ve escaped.  I’ve run away.

My best friend and Niall Horan saved me.  A combination of the two.  Niall Horan was the feather that tipped the scale in my favor.

This blog won’t go away.  I’m far from escaping depression.  But at least I’m out of this eating disorder.

One of my friends is helping me resist food.

He doesn’t even know he’s doing it.  He’s just a really good friend.

“You and your calories,” he says.

He thinks I’m not serious.  No one does.

He drinks my sodas for me, so I get 20 calories instead of 180.  He rips off parts of my brownies.  He tells me to take another muffin, and then says, “but after this, you can’t have any more junk for the day.”  He probably thinks he’s helping me bet healthy, and he is.

But he doesn’t know that he’s encouraging me to not eat.  He doesn’t know that he makes me think that he thinks I’m fat, even though he always tells me I’m skinny.

He doesn’t know he’s just fueling an eating disorder.

iwillbethin-livinginhell:

This is so poweful :(

My ex and his friends once told me in 7th grade that when they saw this (during an eating disorder presentation), it reminded them of me.

There was a teen suicide presentation right after it, and for the entire 14 minutes that encompassed both presentations, they were sneaking worried glances at me and whispering to each other.

I told my best friend, and idk, after talking to her and them, I realized that people cared.  But for some reason, I just can’t realize that anymore.

(Source: keep-forever, via imnotyourfuckingpuppet)

Is tumblr really shutting down certain blogs?

Well isn’t that great.

I was going to eat a cookie, because I burned 1000+ calories during my swim workout today, and she told me not to eat it.  I asked why, and she said, “because I don’t want you to eat it.”  I said, “Do you want to eat it?”

“No.”

“So why won’t you let me eat it?”

“So you don’t eat it.”

“Well if you aren’t going to do anything with it, I’ll eat it anyways.”

“Fine, eat the cookie.  If you want to be fat.”

When I stormed off, she then proceeded to say, “MOM, SHE’S GOING ANOREXIC.”

“I’M NOT ANOREXIC!”

“Then HOW COME you felt so insulted when I said you were fat!”

First of fucking all, let me tell you, sis, that you don’t have any FUCKING idea of what anorexia is.  Anorexia is not being insulted because someone calls you fat.  Anorexia is a mental problem.  People who develop eating disorders don’t “go” anorexic/bulimic/EDNOS.  You are born with the fucking potential to slip into one.  You are born with the ability to develop such insecurities.

SECOND of all, if you thought I was anorexic, why in the FUCKING WORLD would you call me fat?! So you can win your stupid cookie? I don’t give a shit about that cookie.  I was fucking hungry, so let me eat a fucking cookie.  

If I had let this develop, if I had slipped into anorexia, you have NO fucking idea what saying something like that to a person with an eating disorder does to them.  I don’t even know, but I sure as hell know as much as a person without an actual eating disorder can.  Because I’ve been there, almost.  I’ve been on the border.  I’ve counted my calories and lived for the hunger that gnawed at my belly.  I’ve charted out calorie plans for weeks at a fucking time.  I’ve calculated my favorite celebrity’s BMIs and planned UGWs.  I read confessions about eating disorders, I have friends who I love that have eating disorders.  I still find myself slipping into it.

Before you say something that IGNORANT, please.  Learn what the fuck you’re talking about.

There’s been this girl with the same name as me at my school for almost four years.

She’s kind of always been like some major thinspo for me.  She’s really pretty, and she’s so skinny, but she eats whatever she wants, and she keeps trying to gain weight.

On Friday, I was sleeping on one of the couches in our school’s student center, and I heard someone say my name.  Then the person talking to them said, “Wait, which one? The fat and ugly one or the pretty, skinny one?”

I wonder how they would feel if they knew I was right there.

healthysexyhappy:

8 Foods That Help Build Muscle

1). Cottage-cheese
The white stuff is an excellent source of whey protein, one of the best muscle builders out there.

2). Whey Protein
A 25 g scoop of the magic dust packs 2.5 g of leucine.

3). Eggs
Not only are they a lean snack at around 70 calories a pop, but also full of big-time benefits for your muscles. You’ll eat up 6 g of protein and 330 mg of leucine per egg, plus yokes contain the ultra-valuable nutrient choline, which supports acetycholine, the most abundant neurotransmitter in your body.
4.) Tuna
In addition to setting you up with more than 3 g of leucine, a can of tuna contains a healthy dose of omega-3 fatty acids, which produce multiple muscular benefits.

5). Chicken
A mere 3 ounces of chicken breast will set you up with more than 3 g of leucine and nearly 20 g of protein, at less than 100 calories. 

6.) Quinoa
This mighty grain packs 8 g of protein per cup, including a complete set of branched chain amino acids—leucine, isoleucine, and valine—that play a crucial role in helping muscles grow.

 7.) Edamame
One cup of these green guys (without shells) will jump-start muscle protein synthesis with 17 g of protein and a little more than 1 g of leucine. They’re also packed with omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, which support your brain and central nervous system.

8). Coffee
Research from the University of Illinois found that coffee may reduce pain during exercise.

(Source: wickedfittothemax, via imnotyourfuckingpuppet)

I told them I was over you.

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY